What You Don't See

Part of me hates social media. A lot of me maybe. And sometimes I just want to shut down my Facebook and I just might one of these days. Sometimes I think it does more damage than anything else. I don't like the way I feel all too often after I have scrolled through things. It's all too easy to compare ourselves and then feel like junk after you see what every one else is doing. Someone once made a comment to me about my blog (this was a long time ago). They commented that my life looked perfect. Ha. Ha. HAAAAAAA. And that is a part of the reason I stopped blogging for so long. Because I didn't want to be the person that someone else was holding their life in comparison to. I didn't want to be the person that was making someone else feel like junk. Because. My. Life. Is. Not. Perfect. If I understand correctly, no one has a perfect life. But somehow Instagram and Facebook are SO good at making it look like other people have perfect lives. I think that Satan guy LOVES this. Because it's the perfect opportunity for him to stick a little dagger in our hearts, and as he twists it he says things to us like,
"You aren't that pretty."
"She is ALWAYS happy."
"You aren't very righteous, look what SHE did. You haven't ever done that."
"You are NOT as good of a mom as she is."
"You are NOT very talented, look at what SHE can do."
"Her husband is ALWAYS so thoughtful."
"Look at her, she has a six pack and you can't even go for a walk to exercise."
"Your life is NOT that exciting."
"She is a stay at home mom, just like you but look what SHE is doing. Why can't you do more?"
"You didn't think of THAT to show your kids that you love them. You are NOT a very thoughtful mom."
"Their marriage is pure bliss. They NEVER disagree. They are ALWAYS happy."
"She has life SO good, don't you wish you had HER life? Then you would be happy."
"Her house is always clean and yours looks like a dump."
"Look, they went on another vacation. You have never even flown on a plane. Man, your life stinks."
"You NEVER do anything good."

Do we believe in too many absolutes? Do we believe in too many CRAP LOADS?! Excuse me for that term. But really. Satan specializes in crap loads of crap. He is full of it. And sometimes we let him fill us full of it and as a result we are not as happy as we should be all based on FALSEHOODS!
 Social media is one dimensional and in actuality we don't even know the emotion that came with each post, we make up the emotion in our head. And then we paint a picture to fill in all the before and after of each picture or post we see. I am on a rant here people. I get carried away sometimes and then I realized I may have embarrassed myself. Well, live and learn. But back to my soap box...

When we fall prey to all of these lies that are whispered to us, we have stepped down and allowed ourselves to feel less than we are and then we have to lick our wounds...and time and energy is wasted doing something that never needed to be done! Are you feeling me on this?

The adversary tries to pull us away from remembering who we are and why we are here and what REALLY matters in EVERY way he can. Every way people. EVERY WAY. He is a master mind who has made his purpose to thwart the plan of happiness by taking us off course whenever he finds the opportunity and in any degree he can get us to play into.

What You Don't See

I think it's SO easy to convince yourself that the above lies are actually reality. Maybe I just speak for myself? But I think it can be so easy to do that. I have obviously thought a lot about all of this and the other day as I thought about writing a post about it the title came to my mind, "What you don't see," because there is a whole life we don't see. A picture or a blog post is not a life. It is one post that happened in one segment of time. I don't even know who is still reading my blog, but I hope that whoever does read this will somehow be redirected to a better way of thinking for themselves. We all have things that no one else sees and really, they aren't meant for everyone else to see or to know.
However, sometimes learning about these things that "we don't see," can be encouraging and strengthening to us because it reminds us that we ALL have mountains to climb and we ALL have challenges we face. We all have weaknesses and sorrow and heartbreaks and shortcomings and disappointments and dreams that aren't realized. Do you want to hear about some of mine?

What you did see:

Smiles and sunshine and happy words.


What you didn't see:
The day she got her call was of course exciting. She opened it up with friends and family there and of course there was the chatter you would expect amongst everyone after it happened. But then this sadness overcame me and I couldn't help but cry realizing that one of my dearest friends would be leaving. So I tried to fight my feelings and my tears so that I wouldn't ruin her special night. What you didn't see was the different times I cried, because I was going to miss her SO much and because I DID miss her so much. The first stretch of her mission 6..9 months was SO hard for me, once in conversation with someone, I heard my mom say that it had been the hardest on me. And it was for a while there. What you didn't see was the sad feelings I had wishing that I could've served a mission too. What you didn't see was the silly feelings of inadequacy I had, thinking that somehow I was less than because I hadn't served a mission. Those feelings hurt. What you didn't see is my struggle to be totally happy for my sister but dealing with all of the feelings I had.


What you did see:

 A cute picture that fit the feeling of a magical December.

What you didn't see:
In December, after years of struggles and many promptings I finally sought medical help for my anxiety and discovered I also have some depression. The past few months were especially hard for me dealing with my anxiety and depression, it was worse than it had ever been for me. But, Heavenly Father placed people in my path that were able to help me, including a wonderful doctor. What you didn't see was days and days and years of struggles inside of the chambers of my heart and my mind.


What you did see:

 A smile, a cute outfit and a cute baby on a bright summer's day. (Of course that meant that every day was like this)

What you didn't see:
A girl who was having a rough summer for various reasons, amongst those reasons missing both of my sisters a whole lot. I feel like it probably sounds so dramatic but not being able to see or call two of your best friends for a year and a half is rough! What you didn't see was a girl who was feeling alone and lonely, like she didn't have the kind of friendships she longs for.

I am not trying to write you a sob story, there are much sadder tales than the ones I have just written. I'm just trying to convey that a picture is a picture, it is a moment frozen in time and many of those moments were GOOD, happy moments. They say a picture is worth a thousand words but I think it can also be worth a thousand secrets. Some of the secrets are happy and some not as happy. Just don't judge your life based off of picture or off of a blog post. Ok? It's not good for your heart.

I am a blessed woman (I still don't like calling myself a woman. haha!). I have great things in my life, but I also have hard things. I am not perfect. My husband isn't perfect. Our child isn't perfect. Our families aren't perfect. Our relationship isn't perfect. I'm not perfectly patient, perfectly kind, perfectly willing, perfectly selfless, perfectly obedient, etc. I am in fact an imperfect person that is trying her VERY hardest to be good. It's a hard job to be all that we are expected to be. I'm learning more about the Atonement and our Savior, Jesus Christ. I'm learning more about being confident in who I am and loving myself even though I'm not perfect. I'm learning more about accepting others and being kind and being non-judgmental. I'm learning more about how life is challenging and it has twists and turns we didn't expect and we don't always want. But if we can channel our hearts upward and keep fueling our faith, then we will grow and we will understand more than we did before and we can help others as we continue on. May the Lord strengthen you as you climb your mountains and as you tackle all of the things that we don't see. Hugs and loves to everyone!